Not Ready Yet

For all of those who are wondering why I have not entered into the joy-filled lifelong journey of parenthood, there is a good explanation, I promise. 

My husband and I are approaching our three year wedding anniversary and have had many serious discussions as to when we would like to start a family of our own.  I even get bit with the baby bug at least once a month.  Up until now I have always been able to come up with a few vague excuses: "I'm still young", "We  have plenty of time", and "I'm enjoying my freedom".  It wasn't until Monday, the last day of January, that I realized that I am simply not ready, for the sake and well being of the child.

My day started off normally enough.  I went to work.  I can home.  I even got to enjoy myself at a volleyball open gym for a few hours.  When I finally found myself back home it was 10:30pm... WAAAYYYY past my bedtime.  (Note: when I am tired I get grumpy)  I walked up to my front door and noticed that the house lights are on.  I sleepily push my way through the front door and took a mental note that it was unlocked, but no one was home.  Duke, my nearly seven month old puppy, greeted me gaily at the door welcoming me home with an overabundance of excitement and love.  While tripping over Duke with each step into my warm house I look up and to my sheer horror and frustration see the biggest mess EVER.

Duke had been left in the house (ALONE) for at the very most three hours.  This is not an uncommon thing, he usually does ok and only chews up inexpensive and/or easily replaceable things.  But this time was different.  The garage door had been left open therefor giving Duke unsupervised access into a place that is normally off-limits to his destructive/puppy tendencies. 

I lost all self control...  I screamed.  I cried.  I stomped my feet.  I may have even thrown something.  I went from being happy and self composed to a stark raving lunatic in .001 seconds.  I honestly can not tell you the last time I was that angry.

This epic mess took me 20 minutes to clean and covered over half of my house.  There is no picture because I was way too angry at the time.  Here is a list of items that this little monster drug into my house and that I had to clean up:
1).  6 scanes of yarn (chewed up, and strung all over).
2).  5 shoes.
3).  1 Baseball hat
4).  My cat's food bowl, plastic, and chewed to tiny bits.
5).  A dog treat bag, empty, and torn to tiny bits.
6).  Cardboard, soggy, and torn to tiny bits.
7).  Misc. plastic pieces (not quite sure what they were or where they came from), chewed up, and torn to tiny bits.

I was so upset that by the time my house was clean, I had showered, and was in bed that I couldn't even look at Duke without getting angry all over again.  I stomped to bed at 11:30pm and laid there awake for another hour, at least.

Little butt-head all proud of himself.

Until I can handle a simple situation like that with poise and maturity - without turning into a she-wolf - I don't think that it is wise to subject a child to that sort of behavior.